My CP
I’ve always referred to my disability as just that- mine. It’s my CP, my disability, my greatest adventure, my biggest challenge. In my mind, it’s something that belongs to me. In the second video that I made for Symbiotic CP, I talked about why I chose the name Symbiotic CP; I talked about the definition of symbiotic (involving interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association) and referred to the movie Venom to describe the mindset that I have towards my disability. I view my CP as this additional part of me that I share my body with. I wouldn’t say that I see it as a separate being, but I know I very much have an identity that’s separate from my disability. First and foremost, I am a person who has her own likes and dislikes and dreams and goals that don’t have anything to do with my disability. I think that’s a very important concept and message to talk about, that people with disabilities are people who have identities that are not tied to having a disability.
With all of that being said, and while I do view my CP as this extra part of me, having it has truly made me who I am. There’s no if’s, and’s, or but’s about that in my mind. I fully believe that having CP formed my personality and everything that makes me me. I think in some ways I have allowed that to happen by embracing the fact that I live with my disability and sharing my experiences with having CP to raise awareness and educate others, but I also believe that having my disability kind of naturally formed some of my characteristics without me realizing it at the time. For example, I wouldn’t be anywhere as near stubborn if I didn’t have my CP because I wouldn’t have spent my whole life insisting that I can do things and be independent. I’m more resilient because I’ve faced a plethora of challenges. I don’t think I would be as compassionate as I am because my disability has allowed me to connect with people and be able to relate to different life stories and challenges. I don’t know if I would have as deep of connections with my loved ones because my disability does push me to be more vulnerable with family members and friends. This is one of the top reasons that I’m grateful that I have my CP and why I’m proud to call it mine, because it has made me the person I am today and while I do have an identity that’s separate from my disability, I truly feel like my CP has enhanced my personality and made me a better person than I would have otherwise been.
Having my CP as this additional part of me that has impacted my life so much has come with some pros and cons and good times and bad times, like most things in life. There have been so many things that have come from my CP that have been amazing and so special, things that I will forever be grateful for. Conversely, there have been plenty of challenges, struggles, and obstacles that seemed impossible to overcome that have all stemmed from my disability. I have experiences the highest of highs and lowest of lows because of my CP. This equilibrium between the positives and negatives of having my CP is why I’m proud to be possessive of my disability, because I know that everything I’ve experienced because of my CP, the highest highs, lowest lows, and everything in between has only made me stronger and better While my CP is an additional part of me, it’s also the core, the foundation, the essence of who I am and I have loved every challenge, every obstacle that’s been put in my path because of it. I wouldn’t trade my CP for the world because it’s so deeply ingrained in me and I’m proud of the person it’s formed me into. My CP is mine, for better or worse, through thick and thin, and there are few things that’ll ever inspire feelings of comfort and joy more than that.
Side note: I feel like this entry was important to write early on in this journal in order to explain the overall perspective I have toward my CP. Sometimes I’m going to write about the positive things that come from my disability and other times I’ll write about the negative things, but no matter what I’ll always love and want my CP because it’s who I am.
